Standing Up To Offensive Comments

Friday 8th May, 2009 in Accepted Social Situations, Feminist Allies, feminism by Matt_Freeman | No comments

I work in Customer Services for a London-based company, taking calls and answering emails. The calls range from easy to difficult, from complicated to simple and from happy to intensely frustrating.

Yesterday I had a conversation on the phone with a customer who was looking to obtain a refund. He’s been given some wrong information by staff at the company, had experienced some problems, but by and large had behaved himself well. After our phone conversation, I realised I had made a mistake in what I was saying and emailed him to correct my error and clarify exactly what I was going to be doing next.

I received in reply a long and rambling email in which he went over all the points we had talked about again and complained about them. Most interesting, though, was the point at which he said:

“so in essence. i have gotten more different answers than brittney spears has sexual transmitted diseases”

I stopped reading and spoke to my manager, stating that I did not think I could reply to this email in a professional manner. For someone to write that, no matter how frustrated or annoyed they were, pretty much makes my blood boil. I appreciated that the customer wanted to get a point across, and that may have been trying to be humorous, but still.

Happily, my manager read the email and completely agreed that I should not have to respond to that email. He took on the response himself and put in the phrase:

“I absolutely accept that you find the situation frustrating, and am of course willing to believe that your comments regarding diseases etc were intended to be humorous, however in this instance they caused offence and upset to a colleague and I feel it is important to remind you that colleges expect their students to conduct themselves, and to correspond, in a professional manner at all times and I feel on reflection you would agree that this correspondence fell short of that standard.”

Now, I have slightly mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, he has told the student that his language “fell short of a professional standard” and that it caused offence.

On the other hand, he has not quite gone as far as I would have liked, in that in that a later email he did end up giving the student what he wanted. I personally felt that using this sort of language should effectively take you out of any chance of getting something that it wasn’t clear was yours to get.

Suzi asked me to blog about how it feels to be a pro-feminist man, and this is one of those times it becomes relevant. I can’t help but feel that many of my work colleagues would have shrugged that comment from the customer off without mentioning it, rather than challenging it and asking for it to be noted. Whilst I’m happy that it was noted and addressed, I also certainly feel that the response was not quite what I had hoped for.

Last bastion of sexism in the retail sector?

Thursday 7th May, 2009 in feminism, gender by andieberry | No comments

Ever felt your money wasn`t good enough when you walk in a shop?  Or been completely patronised, ignored or at worst treated like the only customer in the shop because of your sex? If you’re a woman then yes, let’s see if your experiences match mine.
I was in an upmarket pub/restaurant a while ago with Suzi and her partner, Lovely Admin, who is in fact, a dude. We ordered a lovely meal and were served by a waiter, who was sporting a recently received black eye. Incidentally, I mention the black eye because I thought to myself , if one of the waitresses had turned up with a black eye, would she have still been ‘allowed’ to work and to walk around and tell the tale of heroics associated with obtaining said black eye?  Would the reaction of the party of men lapping up this tale of a partner in distress, and the other partner obligingly stepping in to resolve the matter, and,  receiving ‘a good kicking ‘ for their trouble, have been the same if the waiting staff was female. Would they have assumed that a woman could of got into the same kind of scrap and not been the victim? No, I didn’t think so either.
Anyway, overpriced but delicious food was served,  and we argued about the bill as per usual.  Suzi slipped off to the loo and I requested the bill from the waiter. The waiter presented Lovely Admin with the bill - he then explained that I was paying  (well that’s what student loans are for sometimes!)-  and the waiter looked a little embarrassed and then presented me with the bill.
I went to P.C World with the express mission to buy a laptop, I was clued up enough to know exactly what I wanted because I hate to shop, I like to go in, make a purchase and get out. The laptop section was at the rear of the shop, and there was desk close by that seemed to be the ‘consulting desk’ .  Two suited men who had name tags on were discussing some important postmortem comparison notes from the night before, so I decide to just have a look over at the laptops to ’show’  that I may wish to purchase one. Big mistake.  I saw that several customers, mostly men had decided to use the same tactic as myself,  except for some reason their use of the tactic had worked and said salesmen completely ignored me when I said ‘Hi ,could you help me?’ (apparently men don’t have to say that in shops).

After being ignored for a good ten minutes I decided to go over to one of the salesmen (who wasn’t with a customer) and say “I want to buy a laptop ,this model in fact’”.   I didn’t even get mid sentence as the salesman said ‘I’m just with a customer’ . “What what the hell am I ?”  I said . Obviously some kind of penniless ghost given the lack of service .
I went into an electronics shop (the geeky computer hobby kind of shop) to get a refund on an item that I’d mistakenly bought.  The (by now) inevitable wait to be recognized as a paying customer was remarkably quick as I’d learned that standing at the sales counter just wasn’t going to work, so I looked for the manager. I explained to the manager that I wanted a refund, I needed the next model up and explained (as it was a geeky tech shop) exactly what I did need and what I planned to do with it. The transformation in service was instantaneous; the manger summoned one of the sales staff to get the stuff I needed, transaction done big smiles all around.
Like I said you’ve probably had these kinds of experiences . I could put the first example down to be dressed like a scruffy student, but we were all dressed like scruffy students.
I could put the second experience down to being short with a chameleon like ability to blend into the background, except that, even with wishing to having the chameleon like superpower at times, I don’t.

I could put the third experience down to being an informed consumer who the staff was happy to interact with, except that I had to take steps before I could prove I was a ‘worthy’ customer.
All three experiences were, in my opinion,  down to gender socialised roles.  Men always pay and women don’t know anything about computers . I don’t get that sort of treatment on-line , I know there, that I’m an anonymous consumer and the only time the website requests my gender is to market the ‘pink’  products in their store,  so I avoid it .The only trouble is (call me old fashioned) I actually like to go to the shop, have a good look at the product and compare before I buy. Why should I have to be conscious of my gender when going into a shop and receive inconsistent degrees of service ?

Why yes, Fat is STILL a Feminist Issue!!

Wednesday 6th May, 2009 in fat acceptance, feminism by Suzi | No comments

So, I’ve just complete a month long stint of guest blogging over on The F Word. I didn’t get to post much- once a week or so, simply .because of my huge time commitments to work, study and family. However, while I was there I wrote a piece I had been meaning to write for a while about Thin Privilege.

Whilst the start of my post is straight up wrong- a valuable lesson for me to learn-, when talking about privilege and oppression, I stand by the points I make about how being fat puts one at a disadvanatge in this world, and how thin people, do have privilege over fat people.

I got an email today from a friend asking me if I had read this piece by Amanata about fat hatred. So I went and read it……… and then had to fight the urge to applaud, loudly, because she says everything I try and say, but does it a million times better.

I recommend you read the piece I wrote at The F Word, and please accept my immediate apologies for the first paragraph or so- I made a mistake, and in doing so said something highly offensive. Bloggers, are humans too.

I also recommend you read this piece written by Anji, from Shut Up, Sit Down, and then read Amanata’s piece. And if you don’t find yourself agreeing, or find yourself thinking  ‘but being thin is hard too….’ then Shut Up, Sit Down, and Learn Something.

Being fat is not easier than being thin. Being thin is a socially acceptable, and desirable thing to be. Being fat is seen as deviant, unattractive, sexually inadequate, and a characteristic of someone who lacks in self control. Being fat means people will criticise your day to day life- if you eat they will tell you it is the wrong thing, if you don’t they will praise you for ‘being good’ (becuase of course being fat, you will also be infantilised. A lot). You will find it difficult to buy clothes that fit- and I don’t mean, difficult to find clothes that fit in a flattering way, I mean find it difficult to buy clothes at all. People will publicly humiliate you, and everywhere you look you will be told you are unnaceptable, unlovable, sub human. You will have to listen to people tell you all about how much of a health risk you are, and how much of a drain you are on NHS resources- despite the fact that smoking causes more disease and costs more of tax payers money a year than obesity, and despite the fact that links between obesity and the things it supposedly causes (like Type 2 diabetes for example) are tenuous at best.

And if you try and complain that you are being discriminated against and oppressed because of your shape/size people will promptly tell you, you are wrong and you don’t know how hard it is to be thin.

Actually, I do know how hard it is to be thin. I have had an active eating disorder for 10 years. I’ve been in a state of recovery for about 18 months. Not living in a state of starvation, and a cycle of purging, alongside several injuries and existing medical conditions means I have put on about 6 stone. I have gone from a dress size 8 to a dress size 18. And at no point in any of that time, have I experienced anything, which has made me glad that I am bigger. At no point has anyone made a single comment that has made me glad that I no longer have a socially acceptable body. And ironically- now I no longer starve myself, and purge, and smoke to try and keep my body weight down, I am significantly healthier than I was when I was thin. I have struggled, and continue to struggle to accept my body as it is, and to accept that fat or no I am still a vibrant, intelligent worthy, sexually attractive human being.

Don’t tell me that Thin Privilege doesn’t exist. If you are thin, you will have the privilege of not being discriminated against and abused daily, based on the completely arbitrary factor of your weight/ body shape. If you are thin, your food choices are less likely to be interrogated, you are more likely to be employed and less likely to be informed by doctors that every medical condition you have, regardless of whether you had it before you gained weight or not, is caused by weight. And you will have to listen to completely ableist crap that equates health with thin-ness and the ability to perform lots of excercise.

Fat is still a feminist issue. It’s even more of a feminist issue now that society has become obsessed with the ‘obesity epidemic’. And it is about time that fat acceptance got to be a part of mainstream feminist discourse, and thin privilege got recognised alongside other privileges.

The silent death; does it need a less invasive test?

Saturday 2nd May, 2009 in Health, Media Personality, sex by andieberry | No comments

The silent death is cervical cancer. I knew a little about cervical cancer, skipped appointments for the screening because its embarrassing and uncomfortable and occasionally when I did turn up got the ‘abnormal’ diagnosis. I had the abnormal diagnosis three times ,dutifully turned up at the hospital, had an electrode strapped to my thigh in order to power the electric cheese wire that sliced off the abnormal white spots in my cervix. Was I scared?  No- in fact I got quite blase about it- after all I’m young , healthy and I’ve had kids (some doctors I saw when I was younger, claimed that most ‘womens’ problems disappear after having kids!). Then came Jade Goody.

Has Jade Goody done for cervical cancer what Kylie Minogue did for breast cancer? The signs look good-  an average figure for more women going for smear tests is 40%,  so the short life of Goody was not in vain. What is never discussed in the media is one of the real reasons behind why women don’t go for smear tests. Women have that discussion- its embarrasing , sometimes it hurts, you worry about what the doctor or nurse thinks about your pubic hair, does your vagina look ‘normal’? Does it have a funny smell?

Ultimately its the invasision of privacy-  knickers off , lie on the bed and open your legs to ,sometimes, a complete stranger, and then have a cold instrument inserted in order to take a sample of cells. Ok prevention is better than a cure and early detection is crucial, but in these days of stem cell research , the mode of injecting medicine through the pores rather than injection and keyhole hysterectomies is there any possibility of a non invasive way of detecting cervical cancer?

Gift wrapped sex?

Sunday 26th April, 2009 in Media, Popular Culture, gender, sex by andieberry | No comments

Reading this article today, I sometimes find it hard to believe I live in the 21st century. Yet again, it’s an example of the commodification of sex, in the boundaries of a sexual relationship. This time as a ‘gift’,  rather than a bargaining chip orrevenge tactic .

“Hmm, what can I get my partner for their birthday?  Oh!  I know-  sex everyday for the next year !” When sex is gift wrapped, it is implied that it is paid for, made attractive and, ultimately,  only for the enjoyment of the recipient. Any comparisons between prostitution and the gift of sex is obvious. We all know that sex is important, but it is in fact,  a physical and emotional exchange between consenting adults and not something on a ‘to do’  list.

We all lead busy lives- there’s work , mundane day to day stuff to do and so on.  Should sex be seen as a item on a list to tick off ? I say no. On hearing experinces of couples trying to concieve they often say having sex to order, made sex just an act, a means to an end. Men and women often say they’d like more sex,  but is it because that is what the media portrays to us ?  If we aren’t having great sex and lots of it we are obvious inadequate and unattractive.  Is this why this woman decided to give her husband the gift of sex?

Nerd news

Sunday 26th April, 2009 in Nerd News by andieberry | No comments

A bit of well deserved Microsoft bashing, to begin with a snippet about the end of technical support from Microsoft for Windows XP. What gets my goat about Microsoft, is that because of big software companies like Microsoft and its counterpart Apple, there  is a digital divide being  created by these companies-  not only because of the prices of software, but the way that Microsoft is basically forcing consumers into buying upgrades they may not want or need.

So if  people power prevails  in the sense that consumers refuse to be told what to buy in order to get technical support, is this story about the demise of Microsoft from a near future perspective a real possibility?

French power company takes on the pesky folk at Greenpeace, proving that ‘ hacktivism’ can be used for evil as well as good.In these times of protest and technology are the hackers for hire really without the basic ethics? Or are the security forces fighting firewall with firewall?

We’ve heard of the soccer moms and the supermoms,  now meet the eco-moms! Make your own washing powder and unplug that washing machine when not in use Ladies! I applaud the sentiments behind this movement but is it just another fashionable fad for the all american mom?

Apologies

Friday 17th April, 2009 in Uncategorized by Suzi | No comments

I have to apologise that the blog has been quiet in the past few weeks. There are a number of reasons- two of the team have been on holiday, and I have been having some health problems which have caused me some fairly significant levels of pain and exhaustion. Hopefully things are now back under control, and the blog will be running more smoothly again.

Life changing photos

Friday 17th April, 2009 in Civil Liberties, Media, Politics, Protests by andieberry | No comments

I recently saw this photo- it’s from a friend of a friend of a friend, from a face book account. This photo made me mad, made me think, made me analyse what else the photo does represent to me. Ok, its not a picture of the moon landing, the first image of earth from the moon or the mushroom cloud of Hiroshima, but I feel it’s just as important.

At first we can clearly see that it is taken at a protest . You, dear reader, may have even been there. You may even be one of the individuals in the photo. Even if you are not, in another time and place, it could be you. Your fellow protesters all around you clashing and being penned in by the police, you look forward and a police officer grabs you by the throat in order to restrain you! What have you done ? Exercised your civil and human right to protest? Or, have you identified yourself as a threat to national security, because you have chosen to exercise that precise right?

The image  speaks volumes to me about civil liberties, feminism and class struggle. It conveys to me that there are individuals that will come together in order to stand up for a cause. It also tells me that no matter how big the group is, how just the cause is, the authorities (or oppressors) will always be there to grab the idealists by the neck in order to suppress them. That said it doesn’t make me want to give up protesting , blogging , and airing my views. It makes me feel mad that protests have to be approved by the authorities, and that the same authorities, then use illegal and unjustifiable actions in the form of “kettling” and violence in order to restrain the very protest they approved.

According to Noam Chomsky, “power is illegitimate unless proof of legitimacy can be found”. In the case of the photo, the police are an institution of the state. That fact gives this institution the right to  police citizens of the state legitimately, but how far should the police be able to go in enforcing the laws of the land?  When did violence and the containment of citizens exercising their legitimate rights,   become acceptable actions the state could take against its own citizens? Pictures like this make clear that the authorities should always be questioned and observed, just as much as the authorities question and observe us.

This is my life changing photo , whats yours?

Squee and Apologies

Wednesday 1st April, 2009 in Blog News by Suzi | No comments

Things may be a leeeetle quiet here, as I’m guest blogging over at The F Word for the rest of the month. I will still be blogging here along with Andie and Matt. As we are all on our Easter Holidays however, things may get a little quiet!!

Coming soon………. my response to a recent channel 4 programme (once I’ve stopped being cross!)

“Call it what it is” Petition

Monday 30th March, 2009 in Education, Media, Politics, Popular Culture by Suzi | No comments

Sue Moss, the Domestic Violence Coordinator from Bucks County Council has started a petition to ask that media companies report incidences of murder by partners as Domestic Violence, instead of ‘normal’ murder. I think this is a fantastic idea, in recognizing the levels of violence against women, and the numbers of women who are murdered by their partner in DV situations.

If you are interested in  signing the petition please go here and do so.

« Older entries