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The Daily Fail

Saturday 29th November, 2008 in gender, Popular Culture, sex by Suzi | 1 comment

I’m not a fan of the Daily M(F)ail. In my opinion it is little more than bigotry, racism, misogyny and homophobia wrapped up in a socially acceptable package with a sprinkling of ‘Oh no She Didn’t’ Celeb gossip for people who are too snobby to read the Sun and not snobby enough to read The Telegraph. Therefore I generally avoid it like Bubonic Plague and stick to reading the Guardian which only occasionally makes me grind my teeth and getting my news from blogs.

So earlier this week when lying in bed listening to 6Music I was horrified to have my lovely early morning glow disrupted by Sean Keavney commenting on an op-ed by Carole Sarler entitled “Why don’t trollops know their place anymore?”. It’s right below the lengthy whine by Liz Jones, bemoaning the ‘fact’ that all men are faithless gits who insit on cheating on their wives.

It never ceases to amaze me the pedestal upon which we place bearers of the label ‘Wife’. Never mind that Gordon and Tana Ramseys marriage is entirely their business and theirs alone, never mind that as much as it may clash with our own moral observations a single woman is free to sleep with whoever she likes and shouldn’t have to feel a single twinge of conscience about it at all. She is not the one who is married, or who has made vows and commitments to another person. It isn’t her responsibility to be the moral guardian of a blokes behaviour. The moral responsibility on an individual to not cheat on their partner rests entirely on the individual.

Sarler’s article is painfully misogynistic, placing the blame for the alleged affair almost entirely on the shoulders of Sarah Symmonds and harking back to the good ole days when men were men, mistresses were moral-less sluts and wives were long suffering and sexless baby making machines who were to be ‘respected’ above all things, by never directly finding out that they were being cheated on. Of course back then it wasn’t so bad because mistresses were just skanky ho’s who were there to fulfill those unfortunate sexual desires men have, that of course their wives shouldn’t be troubled with, and they counted themselves lucky to get the odd bit of jewellery for thier troubles.

What do other Feminists reckon to this then?? What is it with the huge media fuss made whenever a ‘celebrity’ is deemed to have maybe, had an affiar? Why as a society are we so obsessed with all this and why, really, WHY is it that the womean always takes the blame? From Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinksky through to Rebecca Loos and Sarah Symmonds (and let’s not forget the Duchess of Cornwall, here shall we) the blame for extra marital affairs is almost always entirely placed on the woman. Not the married man who is cheating but the woman. It upholds the notion that women are (or should be) more moral than men, and ignores the fact that a man cheating is the one to blame for his cheating. Not his wife, not his mistress but him.

On general other blog reading..

Wednesday 24th September, 2008 in Parenting, Politics, sex by Suzi | No comments

Go read this piece about single teen parenting. It is very good and as someone who had her kids at 18 and 19 respectively – I agree with every damn thing Lauren said. I had to deal with the stigma against teenage mums. To my shame I got round it – I was married at 19, so those disapproving old ladies who made comments about ‘those girls getting themselves pregnant to get houses and money’ got a ‘Yes, my HUSBAND and I totally agree there’ from me.

Now at 25, and divorced I’m a little more secure in myself and couldn’t give a monkeys bum what anyone thinks of my state of motherhood or my marital state, but at 19 with two infants and painfully insecure, in a situation I wasn’t grown up enough to handle and with Internet message boards as pretty much my only support , I cared. For my part in agreeing with those people and their misogynistic, classist and just plain old mean statements, I feel a level of shame.

Teenagers, and here readers is a fact, will ALWAYS HAVE SEX!! It will always happen. Becuase of this, and becuase of the bizzare attitudes we as a society have towards sex, contraception, abortion, and teenagers having sex, there will also always be teenagers getting pregnant and having babies.

So rather than blaming teens for doing what their bodies are telling them, rather than blaming them for ending up in a situation, that could quite feasibly have an awful lot to do with how we as grown ups conduct ourselves, and teach them to be grown ups, shouldn’t we be supporting our teen parents, and helping them continue growing as people , helping them into futures of independence and helping them become the excellent parents they like everyone else have the potential to be?

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On Gender, Transgender and Cisgender Feminist fighting.

Tuesday 5th August, 2008 in feminism, gender, sex by Suzi | No comments

So I’ve noticed that there is a resurgence in the good ole theme of trans v cis feminist fighting. Radical cisgendered feminists are often  accused of discriminating against transgender feminists and the whole “are trans issues women’s issues?” questioning starts again.

So before I get to the bit where I express my opinions here are some links. First of all, go and read this. Then go and check out the links in this post over at Renegade Evolution. Remember when reading these – check your privilege. There are levels of privilege and cisgendered women have privilege in comparison to transgendered women. Key part of that sentence is WOMEN.

As (cisgendered) feminists we fight against being judged, discriminated against or categorised according to our biological sex. We argue that womanhood is more than biology, that we are more than our genitalia, that we should not be constrained by our ability to or not become pregnant or judged and valued solely by the fact we have vagina’s.We argue that GENDER is a social construct, and that we are socialised into a certain gender according to the gender binary which may or may not be at odds with our biological SEX which is another thing all together. We argue against the binary, pointing out that gender like sexuality is not a ‘pure’ static thing, but fluid and changeable throughout life.

So why in the face of these arguments then, do some groups of feminists insist that trans women are not women and seek to exclude them from women only spaces? I can understand there being some issues about trans men in women only spaces, and Kit over at Today I am a Boy has a great post up about her feelings on transitioning and gendered spaces. What I don’t get is excluding trans women from women only spaces. They too are women and face the same discrimination as cis women and then some more for being trans. That isn’t to mention other discrimination against trans WOC or queer trans women.

To me this discrimination makes those who perpetrate it no better than the system we fight against and seek to change. Maybe because I am a bi/queer woman whose own gender identity is not strictly conforming to my biology, I am more sympathetic to those whose biological sex is totally at odds with their gender. Maybe I’m just a very nondiscriminatory person. I don’t know.

What I do know is that in my not-at-all-humble opinion, trans women are every bit as female, as women identified cis females. I also know that gender is a social construct and is far more fluid than the binary allows socially acceptable gender identification. And I also know that trampling over other underprivileged groups in our fight for equality is the wrong damn way to be fighting.

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Amused

Monday 4th August, 2008 in gender, sex by Suzi | 3 comments

Over at Shakesville Melissa points us to this article on the Pravda site that argues that men get prostrate disorders and ‘potency problems’ due to Western womens tendancy to wear provocative clothing.

WTF??

I mean seriously. Women get blamed if their raped, they get blamed for the economic ills of society, blamed for problems with violence, male educational underachievement is blamed on women and now we get blamed if blokes get cancer??

I’m a bit gobsmacked, really!!! Anyone else got any thoughts?

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Sticks and Stones may break my bones…

Thursday 24th July, 2008 in sex by Suzi | 8 comments

And names are just downright mean, immature and divisive.

I’ve always had issues with body image and fat. Not other peoples necessarily, just my own. Mother with a weird obsession with your waistline and calorie intake and ten years of bulimia and yo-yo dieting in an attempt to be as attractive as well other people who are thin and attractive will do that to you. But these issues have always been my own, and in a self centred way, been about me. When I first started to realise there was a name for that pissed off feeling I got when people treated me like shit due to my genitalia and more the point, that other women got that pissed off feeling too, and some wrote books about it I was relieved. Women like Susie Orbach who wrote ‘Fat is a Feminist Issue’ said stuff that made sense to me about how I perceived my body, how other people perceived my body and why it was just a big ‘Fuck You’ to those people who instantly deem those of us who are too fat/too thin/too short/too hairy etc to be non people.

So when I see stuff like this it really pisses me off. Yes, debate and discussion about pornography, stripping, sex work, burlesque and its place in feminism and feminist thought is important. But a straight up blanket dismissal of women who ARE ‘empowered’ and who do feel good about their bodies doing what they want to do with them? I’m sorry but I can’t agree with that sort of thing.

I have mixed feelings on porn. I’m mostly pro porn, but I can see the point of the argument that says that over sexualisation of women, and the notion that women’s bodies are the property of men, and any body not owned by a man is therefore available, and subject too constant public interrogation, attention and so forth. I get that, I really do.

I just don’t think that banning porn and sex work and effectively demonizing sex and sexuality is the way forward. I think it’s important to remember that actually there are lots of sex workers who aren’t trafficked and didn’t have horrific lives of abuse leading to their sex work, and aren’t drug users and are there because they want to be, because they choose to be, whilst also working to help those who are there and don’t want to be. I think it is important to remember to that these are people that we oh so sanctimoniously blog about. These are women, and men, cis and transgendered living their lives the way they choose. And who the fuck am I or you to come along, tell them they are wrong, remove their humanity by using terms like ‘funfeminist’ in a derogatory fashion.

Yes trafficking is a problem, rape is huge problem, sex workers who are there because they feel they have no other choice is a problem, over sexualisation is a problem. These are issues that as a feminist movement we need to work on, and I don’t want to trivialise any of them. Slut shaming people who are there through their own decisions, who are not in those vulnerable positions however is not the way to do it. Policing the sexuality and sexual behaviour of women who are using their agency to act is not the way to do it, condemning women on the grounds of their conventional attractiveness is not the way to damn well do it.

This behaviour, this condemnation of women who are happy to be seen in a convetionally attractive light, who are happy with their sexuality, their sexual behaviour, their pro porn positions is not Feminism. It is a repeat of the Blondes are Bimbos, Redheads are sluts and all women are mens shag toys  way of thinking. It is not liberating or empowering to condemn the sexual behaviour of other women, just as it is not liberating or empowering to condemn and criticise the bodies and looks of other women, or their personal grooming habits. It’s just plain bitchy.

I don’t have a solution to rape, or VAW, or over sexualisation. I do think that gender dialogue is important, and I do think and truly, truly believe that until we stop tearing each other apart over how we look, or how we have sex, or how we choose to express our sexuality that Feminism as a movement will be stuck in a    rut chasing in circles.

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