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Breastfeeding, Shame and Jessica Valenti

Sunday 6th March, 2011 in Education, feminism, Media, Parenting by Suzi | 1 comment

DISCLAIMER: I would like to make it ABSOLUTELY CRYSTAL CLEAR at this point that whilst I wholeheartedly support breastfeeding (and indeed advocate for it) this does not mean that I do not support the right of all Mothers/Parents to make their own infant feeding decision. This article is not intended to shame any woman who does not breast feed.

Jessica Valenti wrote this piece in The Daily recently. I totally agree with her sentiment that mothers shouldn’t be made to feel guilty. Breastfeeding is awesome and leads to much improved health outcomes both long and short term for Mothers and Babies. However, it’s also incredibly hard work and not everyone will be able to access support to breastfeed. Some women,  will have issues that mean they are physically unable to breastfeed. For some women, particularly those with premature babies in NICU’s the act of pumping breast milk can be incredibly stressful, particularly with no baby physically demanding milk to stimulate production. I get that. For these and a whole host of other reasons, which include not being mean, arsey people, we shouldn’t be making any woman feel guilty about how she chooses to feed her baby.

I don’t have a problem with any of that. In fact I salute Valenti for talking honestly and frankly about the fact that breastfeeding is difficult, and requires support which is often lacking, and without that support many women stop breastfeeding which is a why a shockingly low number of women continue to breastfeed following initiation at birth – at 6 months of age in the UK less than 1% o women are still breastfeeding exclusively as per recommendations (Infant Feeding Survey, 2005) and across the world less than 40% of infants are breastfed (WHO Global Strategy).

Yes folks thats right- us evil breastfeeding mamas, the ones who go round, apparently harassing non breastfeeding mamas, make up such a majority that LESS THAN ONE PERCENT OF UK MOTHERS BREASTFEED TO 6 MONTHS.  We aren’t some scary, self righteous majority, we are in fact an underfunded, under represented and socially harassed minority.

Anyway I’m digressing. My issue with Valenti’s piece is this statement :

“Thousands of studies have shown that breastfed babies are healthier on average than formula-fed babies — but no research has shown that it’s the breastfeeding that’s causing the better health. Moms who have the time and support to exclusively breastfeed, for example, may be more likely to support their children’s health in other ways. There simply is no proof that breast milk is the magical elixir so many of us believe it is.

“I never doubted that breastfeeding had myriad health benefits, so I was actually very surprised at what I found in the medical literature,” Wolf told me.

And it’s not just the science around breastfeeding that’s iffy — the social expectations and the dismissal of how hard nursing can be are also affecting women. “

 

I’m sorry, what? You know what, you can formula feed if you want to. You can claim that there are forces out there that shame you as a formula feeding mother. I’d like to argue that actually those same forces are busy shaming ALL mothers for all and any of their choices. But don’t you DARE to tell women and well, anyone reading for that matter, that the science around breastfeeding is iffy. Because really, it isn’t.

There isn’t some conspiracy where formula is secretly equal to breast milk, and nasty mean breastfeeding mamas (who make up less than 40% of the global mama populace) are lying so that poor formula feeding mamas feel bad. Breast milk is, scientifically speaking,  better for babies health by dint of it being custom made to meet the specific needs of the baby it feeds. The reason breastfed babies are generally speaking healthier is because breast milk contains immunological factors specific to each baby which protect it from disease. Breast milk doesn’t require making up with water which may be unsanitary thus exposing babies to gastreointestinal issues. Breast milk doesn’t require careful making up to ensure it is the correct strength, meaning that many babies every year become ill due to simple human error. And breast milk, unlike formula milk is sterile.

That doesn’t mean that people should always HAVE to breastfeed. People should breastfeed if they are in the privileged position of being supported and able to do so, if they want to and that’s that. I don’t care HOW you feed your baby, I care if you’re supported in doing so. I care if you have full access to ACCURATE and valid information which enable you to make your choice. No one should be shamed for parenting decisions- we do the best we can, with what we have at the time, and perhaps with different circumstances we’d make different decisions.

But, for fucks sake, don’t you dare lie about breast milk (or formula milk for that matter) when you are a publicly visible and respected figure. Don’t you dare. Because you’re contributing directly to a culture which shames women and uses shit science to justify shit social attitudes.

*Please see the WHO Report “Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding” for more details.

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Girls Make, Boys Play…..

Sunday 14th November, 2010 in caring, feminism, gender, Parenting, Popular Culture by Suzi | No comments

In the spirit of sisterhood and women friendly spaces, some friends and I recently had a women and children only weekend and piled into one house for a night of cooking, chatting, recharging and connecting. Between us we had 4 school age children, one baby, three dogs and a lot of catching up to do. It was brilliant- the power of strong female friendship is something I’m starting to really appreciate as I head towards my thirties. The only dent in the weekend arose on the Sunday morning. The children were watching TV as we sat round drinking tea and trying to come too, and then an advert break came on. There were about 8 adverts in this break which occurred on a national TV channel, during a Sunday morning kids program. The adverts were highly gendered- 4 aimed at girls and 4 at boys. There wasn’t a single advertisement which wasn’t obviously gendered. The adverts didn’t even feature a single child of the opposite gender, if you catch my drift.

So, that was infuriating point number one. Infuriating point number two can be found in the types of products aimed at girls and boys. Aimed at girls were kits to make soap, fridge magnets, a doll and a toy kitchen. Aimed at boys were two types of skateboard/scooter, a gun and a set of armed forces action figures and vehicles. The clearly gendered division of those adverts can be broken down to indicate that girls make things- useful things no less, and care for others; boys do physical activities and engage in strategic and destructive games which train them to engage in ‘manly’ pursuits.

If this is what we’re teaching children with the toys we buy them then really we’ve not come that far in terms of gender equality. Boys can care and make things as nicely as girls, girls can be as physical as girls. To suggest otherwise is to further participate in a mysogynistic culture which harms children of both genders.

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Mind the gap

Friday 12th November, 2010 in Accepted Social Situations, caring, Civil Liberties, feminism, gender, Politics by andieberry | No comments

So the headlines blazing across the Sunday Papers was the story of how the Coalition intend to ‘make’ benefit claimants do unpaid work for a specific period or risk losing their benefits. At first glance it seems a good idea, being out work takes it toll on your mental state, so why not do some unpaid work whilst looking ? Firstly, job hunting takes time, the internet searches, the rehashing of the C.V and even the time to travel to employment agencies (as my favourite champagne socialist Polly Toynbee found out and expressed in Hard Work). Secondly,  most people already do unpaid work, its called voluntary work which, if you’re lucky enough not to had to trudge to the dole before, you have to declare as part of your job hunting plan, but you’re not allowed to do ‘too much’ voluntary work nor state that you have made  a fixed time commitment less it stop you from landing a ‘proper’ paid job. So , if the government makes you do unpaid work because you are guilty of  the crime to be out of work in the middle of  double dip recession what gap are you filling? Why! the gap made by public spending cuts, think tank genius! The third sector is awash with recent graduates, the long and short term unemployed already,  so I can only presume that the newly unemployed  (fresh from the spending cuts, low level civil servants , librarians etc) are going to fill the gaping gaps left by the shrinking state. However, there is another kind of unpaid work done by nearly half of the planets population that the Coalition government never mention, a gap that is always filled due to social construction and that is the unpaid domestic labour provided by Women.

According to to a paper commissioned by the UN, the unaccounted economic activities performed by women include:-

  • Cleaning, decoration and maintenance of the dwelling unit
  • Preparation and serving of meals
  • Care, training and instruction of children
  • Care of sick,infirm or old
  • Transportation of the household’.

Sound familiar? All that day to day stuff you do is worth nothing to the government and my argument is that it should be for several reasons. Firstly, these unaccounted activities are presumably unpaid because financial sustenance comes from a partner or the state, which as everyone knows is complete rubbish. Only the elite and upper middle classes can survive on one wage per household.  Single mothers live on a pittance and even when in work often end up hovering just above the poverty line . Secondly we also have to factor in the concept that women’s work is a relic of the industrial revolution,-  the Woman offers emotional and maternal support to the man who ‘is’ the wage slave ( the Women being a non economical unit). This concept is problematic now as Woman in this country have long been visible in the public sphere and now Woman  finds she is a wage slave Herself but but still endures the double burden. This is  nothing compared to our Sisters in developing countries but non-the-less, equal,sexist free Britain? Thirdly even if you don’t have children, Women are socially immersed into ideals of being this caring, nourishing being, via the media (domestic goddess that can whip up a four course meal in 10 minutes,drop everything for your friends, look out for your neighbours). Women have always been the volunteers that filled the gaps left by the state’s policies, the PTA’s that raise money for schools (mostly women), the coffee mornings for charity, Women activists that march and lobby at grassroots level , keeping your eye on that neighbour who you know is taking abuse from their  ’other half’, saying hello and engaging in conversion with an elderly person who you know, probably hasn’t spoken to anyone all day. If I where to categorize our ‘unaccounted economic activities’ as paid work then the list would be this;Nanny,Counselor,Lobbyist,Community worker,Fund-raiser,Chauffeur, PR,Carer, Nutritionist, Personal shopper. All validated, trusted positions,  economically viable but not so if the work is unpaid.If as the DaveCam puts it we are ‘all in this together’ then why is unpaid ‘domestic labour’  economically irrelevant in these days of the Big Society? We fill the gaps!

Did you notice that last week the fire service threatened to strike on bonfire night? The New Statesman posed the question is it an abuse of power? No actually its not, it strikes at the heart of the public’s fear of unsafety. So why is it that Womens strike day this year was largely ignored by the media? Well you know why,Women in the west are still seen as unpaid labour, economically irrelevant, whining when we have so called political rights.If we were were to strike, can you imagine the gap?  This is what I say, mind the gap left by Women, the void is too vast to cross safely, society would as we see it would crumble. Women fill the void left by the shrinking state , unpaid work for women claimants creates a triple burden. Marx once wrote’ We stand on the shoulders of giants’ but that’s rubbish we all stand  on the shoulders of women and society is taught that those strong shoulders are irrelevant because of a chromosome. MIND THE GAP!

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The links between Rape Culture and Birth Trauma

Tuesday 19th October, 2010 in Parenting, Sexual Violence, Violence Against Women by Suzi | 1 comment

WARNING: This post may be triggering to survivors of rape and/or birth trauma. There are also links within the post which some may find triggering.

I found this post yesterday over on Spilt Milk about how birth trauma and rape culture are linked and I have to say I couldn’t agree with it more. Pregnancy, birth and Motherhood are states in which strangers, medical professionals and well just about everyone, find themselves entitled to question women’s autonomy, to assault women without question and what is more- this assault is socially mandates as acceptable. Pregnant women find themselves met with a barrage of questions from strangers, find total strangers, as well as acquaintances touching and stroking their body without any form of permission. Labouring women find themselves subjected to medical procedures and bodily invasion and assault with out any form of explanation offered or consent required.  Mothers find their parenting choices routinely questioned and opined over in public spaces. These are all examples of the expansion of a culture which views womens bodies and minds as both disposable and in need of guidance and constraint.

There is only one other time where someone can have a medical procedure performed upon them without their personal, informed consent- when an individual is deemed to be unable to understand the consequences of their decision and when a court has mandated that said individual must have decisions made for them.  Women have told me, and my friends and regularly post on the net of the ways in which they have been ignored as they labour. Just this morning I heard the story of a woman who was not asked her consent when a midwife performed an episiotomy. There’s a word for that- ASSAULT.

Whilst there are plenty of situations where medical procedures must be performed quickly during labour and delivery it takes less than 10 seconds to say ” Jane, the baby has X problem and I need to make a cut to help the baby deliver very quickly. Is that OK?”. Checking with independent midwives and NHS midwife friends has also assured me that certainly there is no situation where they as individuals would ever not ask a woman before performing a procedure.

It seems clear to me at least that the arena of motherhood, beginning at pregnancy has so much work that needs doing in it. Let’s make a start by remembering that pregnant women and mothers are people too, and respecting the bodily autonomy of those women. Next time you find yourself about to stroke the bump of a pregnant woman or comment on how heavily pregnant she is, do us all as favour- don’t!

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Breastfeeding in Public- Indecent Exposure?

Wednesday 2nd September, 2009 in Accepted Social Situations, Education, feminism, Parenting by Suzi | No comments

So tonight after reading some stuff posted on a friends Facebook wall, I went and had a look at  a Poll on Breastfeeding. The questions asks ‘Do you think women should be forced to cover up when breastfeeding in public?’. I’m was somewhat pleased to see that of eveyone who had answered the poll, 56% said no.  However, what really troubled me was a) the fact that this is even a question that needs asking at all and b) the comments section which was full of glorious examples of mysogyny such as men telling women that breastfeeding in public without covering up was ‘indecent exposure’.

So let’s deal with point a) first- the fact this question even needed to be asked. I’m against the use of the word ‘forced’ in the question. No woman should be ‘forced’ to do anything, especially not when feeding her child. Let’s all just take a moment here to remember that breasts, contrary to popular myth, exist so that women can breastfeed. It is in fact, the primary function of the mammary gland to produce milk in order to nourish infants. I suspect that the reason this question gets asked is because in our modern, western, over sexualised culture we seem to have completely forgotten that  breasts are not sexual objects designed to titillate and pleasure men.

Moving onto point b)- the misogyny in a lot of the comments. There were of course several comments from people pointing out the sheer ridiculousness of expecting Mothers to feed their babies in toilets or  under blankets etc – when Michael Jackson stuck his kids heads under blankets in public we called it child abuse. How  is it suddenly okay when the parent is a Mother who is FEEDING her child? There were several comments from people asking what all the fuss was about, when breastfeeding is a perfectly natural thing. And then there were the comments where people argued that urination is natural, but that doesn’t mean they do it in the street. Here’s the thing- babies need feeding. Babies, when not fed become quite upset. I am fairly certain, the same people who call ‘disgusting’ upon seeing the tiniest hint of flesh in a breastfeeding mother, are the same people who ‘tut’ and mutter ‘ can’t they shut that child up? shocking’ under their breath when confronted with a Mother who is attempting to soothe her hungry child when she is too anxious to feed in public because of people’s reaction.

Also- how do these people think women breastfeed? Having breastfed one baby, bottlefed another (for long and complex reasons),  and in about 6 months time I’ll be breastfeeding a third, I’m desperately trying to work out how on earth anyone is ‘exposing’ themselves enough to warrant being stared at by people in public. It’s not as if one flops one’s breasts onto a table while the child uses a straw or something! Breastfeeding requires a baby to be latched on so closely to the breast in order to suck, that unless you’re feeding over a vest top or topless it’s nigh on impossible to see any flesh. Ifyour an inexperienced breastfeeder, who’s just getting into her routine, then yes you might ‘expose’ a bit of flesh whilst latching on, but seriously ‘indecent exposure’? That’s a bit much really.

It seems to me that there are many things tied up in this question and the attotudes the poll has revealed. Primarily there’s an issue about women and their use of public spaces- these people feel women should not feel comfortable or able to use public spaces to feed their children and that their behaviour and autonomy should be censured for ‘moral’ reasons. Those moral reasons rest on notions of womens bodies and body parts as sexual objects designed to bring pleasure to men, but not to carry out their primary function- that of feeding babies. Then their an issue about ‘forcing’ women to comply with a ‘rule’ which is based on fallacious arguments and a dominant male based oppressive power structure.

I’m not that fussed about how or where women choose to feed their babies. Breastfeeding from many points of view is prefferable to bottlefeeding,  but  for many women it isn’t a practical, medical or cultural option, and  either way it shouldn’t matter. We need to support women and their partners and families to be comfortable with their feeding choices- this means access to breastfeeding cafes, and clinics and lactation consultants. This means access to peer supporters, and proper, accurate information about both breast and bottle feeding.  This means being able to feed your baby in public in any way you damn please without fear of censure or disapproval or abuse.

And it means that as onlookers, as other humans using a public space, we do not judge. We do not comment, becuase whether supportive or not, we are intruding. We do not ‘tut’ or mutter ‘shocking’. We recognize that what we see is not indecent exposure, or bad parenting or shamelessness or a woman flaunting herself. What we see is a child being given it’s meal by it’s caregiver, and that is a perfectly normal, perfectly natural thing.

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A quick one.

Wednesday 10th December, 2008 in feminism, Parenting, Politics by Suzi | 1 comment

Watching the news whilst munching on my cereal this morning I was horrified to be informed by those nice people at the BBC that the government, in their infinate wisdom, have decided to introduce Welfare reforms . My problem isn’t with Welfare reforms being introduced- my problem is with how these reforms are going to massively impact adversely on the lives of lone parents- the over whelming majority of which are women.

Whilst I’m very much of the opinion that the welfare system should provide people with support when recquired at the most desperate times and should be delivered in such a way, as to provide individuals and families positive opportunities to change and to undertake training/education and provide a stepping point into the work force, these new reforms are at best, discriminatory and at worst down right bloody evil.

If the government want more single mothers working and not on benefits then they need to introduce a widespread system of free childcare open to all. They need to provide more funding for un educated parents to access education- even with the Dependents grant added onto my student loan I’m still only about 6-700 pounds a term better off than my colleagues who don’t have children and also qualify for income assessed student loan payments. That £700 might seem a lot but when you take into account my child care bills, travel, cost of books (which I have to buy because I can’t access the library during opening hours) it’s not much.

There are folks who will argue that becuase women like myself  are able to get off of benefits, go to university and study whilst working, and looking after our children why can’t everyone else? And my answer to those people is always this: I’m ‘brave’ to the point of stupidity. I’m also terribly middle class and education is more of a priority for me than a stable income. I can se how that won’t work for other people who are unwilling to want to enter education/ training programs unless they are garunteed a stable income. Why would you remove yourself from benefits, which contrary to what the media would have you belive, are a pittance, but a stable pittance, to go into the workforce or education which comes with limited, expensive childcare and an unstable income. Despite labour freforms most employers are still notoriously difficult when it comes to working flexi- time or having time off to care foir sick/ill children or attend events like school plays and sports days.

This new set of welfare reforsm discirminates against women and children becuase it doesn’t make allowances for the real difficulties faced by these families. Welfare reform is all well and good Mr Brown, but unless you bring in infrastructure reforms alongside them you are condemning women and their families to a lifetime full of penalisation for circumstances they cannot change.

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On general other blog reading..

Wednesday 24th September, 2008 in Parenting, Politics, sex by Suzi | No comments

Go read this piece about single teen parenting. It is very good and as someone who had her kids at 18 and 19 respectively – I agree with every damn thing Lauren said. I had to deal with the stigma against teenage mums. To my shame I got round it – I was married at 19, so those disapproving old ladies who made comments about ‘those girls getting themselves pregnant to get houses and money’ got a ‘Yes, my HUSBAND and I totally agree there’ from me.

Now at 25, and divorced I’m a little more secure in myself and couldn’t give a monkeys bum what anyone thinks of my state of motherhood or my marital state, but at 19 with two infants and painfully insecure, in a situation I wasn’t grown up enough to handle and with Internet message boards as pretty much my only support , I cared. For my part in agreeing with those people and their misogynistic, classist and just plain old mean statements, I feel a level of shame.

Teenagers, and here readers is a fact, will ALWAYS HAVE SEX!! It will always happen. Becuase of this, and becuase of the bizzare attitudes we as a society have towards sex, contraception, abortion, and teenagers having sex, there will also always be teenagers getting pregnant and having babies.

So rather than blaming teens for doing what their bodies are telling them, rather than blaming them for ending up in a situation, that could quite feasibly have an awful lot to do with how we as grown ups conduct ourselves, and teach them to be grown ups, shouldn’t we be supporting our teen parents, and helping them continue growing as people , helping them into futures of independence and helping them become the excellent parents they like everyone else have the potential to be?

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